Whenever the readings give rise to discussions around the topics of marriage and divorce as they do today,(Genesis 2:18-24 and Mark 10:2-16), there will be a wide variety of reactions among the faithful, my own included! Our emotional responses spring from the experiences that we have had with marriage and divorce in our families and our own lives. They are also shaped by our understandings of marriage and divorce as taught in our Christian/Catholic tradition, revealed in the dominant culture, and structured by the laws of the land. However, the ideas that we have may have little to do with the understanding of marriage and divorce in the ancient biblical world.
In American society today most people associate marriage, whether common law or legal, with romantic love, and a freely chosen partner. Many people, young and old, choose to live with a partner without legal marriage for years before deciding to wed, since the cultural stigma against such living arrangements disappeared years ago. Legal marriage comes with privileges, protections, and responsibilities that unmarried partners do not always have, which is why fighting for and gaining the right to same sex marriage within the law of the land was so important for the people who had been previously excluded.
Current church teaching says that sacramental marriage is indissoluble. Sacramental marriage is defined as a marriage between a baptized man and a baptized woman of marriageable age, who are free to marry as determined by canon law, who intend to have a life long faithful marriage open to children, and who are capable of pledging vows to that effect before an authorized witness, generally being a deacon or a priest. A baptized person needs permission to marry a person of another faith (non-Christian), or no faith, although such a marriage is considered valid but not ‘sacramental.’
Annulments, which are not a ‘church divorce,’ are sought and granted if the circumstances of the marriage reveal that a sacramental marriage never took place due to irregularities that existed at the time the vows were made. Theoretically, an annulment cannot be granted if everything was in order at the time. All of this, of course, is very legalistic and distressing for seekers of romantic love, and painful for people who want out of an unhealthy union. But marriage, as it was understood in the ancient biblical world was very legalistic and practical, and the church’s perspective on marriage has been guided by that early understanding.
Love as a basis for marriage came rather late in the history of marriage, as did the church’s role in regulating or authorizing marriage. Romantic love was invented during the 12th century with the model being the perfect knight and the unattainable lady. Romantic love existed, primarily, outside of marriage in liaisons that were secret and forbidden. Presumably, such secret and generally unfulfilled romances brought some joy to an otherwise harsh existence. Poetry and the songs of the troubadours spread the idea of romance among the general population – although the concept of freely chosen partners did not arrive for centuries and has yet to arrive in many parts of the world.
In biblical times as in most of human history, marriage was the most fundamental building block of human society. Marriage brought kinship groups together, redistributed wealth, consolidated land, sealed political alliances and provided a system of caring for the more vulnerable members of a community, that is, women and children. As such, marriage was primarily a practical economic decision. Young people, men as well as women, did not expect to decide who or when they would marry rather, since marriage was of fundamental importance to the kinship group, marriages were arranged by heads of households with the good of the whole family system in mind. The couple that was destined to marry could only hope that their families chose someone who was kind, not repulsive, and capable of fulfilling the obligations of marriage, family, and adulthood.
When we read the gospel passage, it is important to consider the context of marriage in Mark’s first century culture. To divorce a woman meant cutting through the fabric of society -- cutting her off from viable economic support, disrupting kinship ties and weakening the family-based economy. Since a primary goal of marriages was to produce children, an older or barren woman was not likely to remarry and often became destitute. Since only men could divorce, women were dependent on their spouse’s good will.
The words of Jesus demanded more equality in relationships. By reminding the Pharisees that God made both man and woman and that they become one flesh in marriage, Jesus was challenging the cultural practice which gave men more power with the authority to divorce their wives. Jesus protested the patriarchal practice which drove a wedge between the equality of the partners in their social relationships. Since the average life expectancy in the time of Jesus was just under 30 years old, life-long marriage was seldom longer than 15-20 years.
When looking to scripture for guidance on marriage and divorce we need to take into account the radically different circumstances of society today. The average life span is well over 70 years, and it is possible for women as well as men to support themselves without a spouse. The absolute statements of Jesus on divorce are best understood as prophetic and radical – symbolic ways of affirming that the demands of the kin-dom touch the most intimate aspects of human life. How that works in modern or post-modern America is one of the ‘signs of the times.’ We don’t need to look far to realize that marriage is evolving and that its earliest economic reason for existence is no longer valid, although the way that we care for and protect our most vulnerable members, children, the elderly, and the infirm, has not kept pace. That is a topic that deserves serious attention.
There are more than a few couples that I know personally, and many others within our communities who have realized loving, lifelong marriages in spite of the odds, and I am always awed by (and a little jealous of) their achievement. They inspire hope and provide proof that two people can join together, and under the right circumstances, become one flesh reflecting the love of God for as long as they both shall live. Not everyone will achieve the same lifelong partnership, but the example of generous love can inspire others to strive for loving relationships with the people they are closest to.
Church understanding of marriage has evolved, and though it has a long way to go, there is no reason to believe that it will not continue to evolve to better embrace the totality of human experience and more fully address the intimate and loving relationships that are life giving reflections of God’s love for everyone. That will continue to be my hope
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